{"id":6458,"date":"2021-10-17T19:02:15","date_gmt":"2021-10-17T16:02:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.shira-aharony.co.il\/%d7%98%d7%99%d7%a4%d7%95%d7%9c-%d7%a0%d7%a4%d7%a9-%d7%9e%d7%aa%d7%91%d7%92%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%9d\/"},"modified":"2025-10-12T07:22:32","modified_gmt":"2025-10-12T04:22:32","slug":"talking-therapy-with-teens","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shira-aharony.com\/en\/talking-therapy-with-teens\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cIt\u2019s Not a Big Deal \u2013 But It Might Really Help\u201d: Talking Therapy with Teens"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"6458\" class=\"elementor elementor-6458 elementor-2188\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-4d64ac1d elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4d64ac1d\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-48cc480a\" data-id=\"48cc480a\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1f11d6a4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1f11d6a4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tThere are quite a few things in life that we <em>know<\/em> are important, beneficial, or will ultimately improve our lives\u2014but we still postpone or avoid them for long periods of time. Why? Because they involve frustrating preliminary steps, or unclear emotional terrain\u2014and life is already full of obligations. We also try to avoid uncomfortable or uncertain situations, even when they&#8217;re necessary for getting where we want to go.<br><br>When it comes to our kids, we do our best not to delay. We try to find good solutions that will ease their path. When they&#8217;re younger, it\u2019s usually easier to get their cooperation\u2014one way or another. And if they resist, it\u2019s still relatively simple to guide them.<br><br>But as they grow older? It gets trickier. Often, teens approach these conversations from a defensive place. They feel misunderstood, convinced their experience is too specific, too complicated for anyone else to understand\u2014let alone help.<br><br>Maybe you&#8217;ve thought of seeking professional support, only to be met with a hard \u201cno.\u201d That refusal may have left you giving up\u2014or just hoping things would sort themselves out over time.<br><br>Meanwhile, the challenges can deepen. A teen with shaky self-esteem might start to withdraw, avoiding activities she once loved out of fear of not measuring up\u2014eventually isolating herself and struggling socially. A teen who struggles to express emotion might lash out aggressively in frustration, feeling like no one ever really \u201cgets\u201d him\u2014and that he&#8217;s always on his own.<br><br>So how do we interrupt this snowball effect? How do we get teens on board with the idea of starting therapy?<br><br>I\u2019ve put together a few thoughts that might help. Some of these may also support you in approaching this kind of conversation with other loved ones\u2014not just your children\u2014when the relationship allows for that depth of care and honesty.<br><br><strong>First, a few things to keep in mind:<\/strong><br><br>The word <em>therapy<\/em> can feel like a trigger for many people. It can sound like:<br>\u201cYou\u2019re broken.\u201d<br>\u201cSomething\u2019s wrong with you.\u201d<br>\u201cYou\u2019re a lost cause.\u201d<br><br>In some ears, <em>\u201cYou should go to therapy\u201d<\/em> sounds a lot like <em>\u201cGo away\u201d<\/em> or <em>\u201cYou\u2019re too much for me.\u201d<\/em> Therapy can feel like an accusation, a source of shame, an unwanted exposure of carefully hidden vulnerabilities. No wonder it\u2019s met with resistance.<br><br>That\u2019s why, if you\u2019re offering professional help, it\u2019s crucial to deliver the message gently and intentionally. Timing, setting, and tone all matter. Try to choose a calm, quiet time\u2014not during a heated argument or immediately following a conflict that &#8220;proves&#8221; your point.<br><br>If therapy is introduced as a punishment or a consequence, it will probably backfire. We want to present it as something <em>supportive and empowering<\/em>\u2014not as something for &#8220;problematic&#8221; people.<br><ol>\r\n \t<li><strong> Start with what you see<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol><br>Begin by calmly describing what you&#8217;ve observed\u2014without judgment. Use real-life examples instead of generalizations.<br><br>Instead of saying:<br><br>&#8220;All you care about is your phone. You never leave the house anymore.&#8221;<br><br>Try:<br><br>&#8220;We\u2019ve noticed you\u2019ve been home more lately, hanging out with friends less, and stepping away from things you used to enjoy. We just want to check in and see how you\u2019re doing\u2014and offer help if you\u2019d like it.&#8221;<br><br>Acknowledging a shift\u2014even if your teen doesn\u2019t think it\u2019s a big deal\u2014can open the door to future communication. It shows that you <em>see them<\/em>, you care, and you&#8217;re willing to take action to support them.<br><br>Try not to exaggerate or pile on. Even if you\u2019ve noticed more than they\u2019re ready to admit, stick to the most accessible examples. It helps maintain trust\u2014and creates room for them to open up over time.<br><ol start=\"2\">\r\n \t<li><strong> Normalize it<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol><br>Talk about emotional difficulty as something common and human\u2014especially at this stage of life.<br><br>Teens often experience things in extremes. Their internal world can feel <em>very<\/em> intense and isolating. When they hear \u201cIt\u2019s not such a big deal,\u201d they feel invalidated. But when they hear \u201cThat\u2019s a common experience, and you&#8217;re not alone\u201d\u2014they may feel relief.<br><br>You might share your own experience (briefly and appropriately), or simply say:<br><br>\u201cLots of people go through this. It doesn\u2019t mean something\u2019s wrong with you\u2014and it doesn\u2019t mean it can\u2019t get better.\u201d<br><br>The idea is to <em>validate<\/em> their feelings <em>without amplifying the drama<\/em>.<br><ol start=\"3\">\r\n \t<li><strong> Make a clear offer<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol><br>This is the time to put the idea of therapy on the table\u2014clearly and respectfully.<br><br>Frame it as an act of care.<br><br>\u201cTherapy is a personal space to work through hard things, build tools, and feel stronger. We\u2019re offering it to you not as a punishment, but as support\u2014because we want to help.\u201d<br><br>Make it clear that you&#8217;re willing to do what\u2019s needed to make it happen: transportation, payment, scheduling. Let them know you&#8217;re also willing to be involved as needed\u2014whether that&#8217;s parallel support for you as parents, or simply being present when it&#8217;s helpful.<br><br>This also helps avoid a common misunderstanding\u2014where teens feel like therapy is a way for their parents to \u201chand them off,\u201d like:<br><br><em>&#8220;You\u2019re too hard for us, so we\u2019re paying someone else to deal with you.&#8221;<\/em><br>When that belief takes root, it can take a long time to undo. Better to prevent it with transparency and care from the start.<br><ol start=\"4\">\r\n \t<li><strong> Offer real choice<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol><br>Before the conversation, do your research. Have a real option in mind: a professional, a practice, or at least a specific direction.<br><br>Look into credentials. Ask for certification if needed. Read reviews, browse websites, gather info.<br><br>Then, share what you\u2019ve found:<br><br>&#8220;I read that art therapy can be helpful for people who don\u2019t always feel comfortable with words.&#8221;<br>&#8220;I found someone who works with people your age and seems to have a good approach.&#8221;<br><br>This shows that you\u2019ve put thought into it, that you\u2019ve considered their unique personality and preferences\u2014and that you&#8217;re not just randomly suggesting \u201ctalking to someone.\u201d<br><br>If they still feel unsure, offer to explore it together: read about it online, browse websites, or even schedule a quick phone call with the therapist just to ask questions.<br><br>Often, the fear of the unknown is more overwhelming than the thing itself.<br><ol start=\"5\">\r\n \t<li><strong> Explain how therapy works<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol><br>Make sure they know they <em>keep control<\/em> in the process.<br><br>They get to choose what they talk about, how, and when. They can stop if it doesn\u2019t feel right. The content is private. In art therapy, for instance, they can work with materials for as long as they want before saying a single word\u2014and that\u2019s perfectly valid.<br><br>It can be hands-on, verbal, abstract, playful, serious. A good therapist knows how to adapt and how to connect the dots between the work in session and their real-world experience.<br><br>That flexibility is empowering\u2014and it\u2019s helpful to name that upfront.<br><ol start=\"6\">\r\n \t<li><strong> A good place to begin<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol><br>Sometimes, gently and with just the right amount of courage, we stick our feelers out of the shell and sniff the air for signs of routine again.<br><br>When life finally starts to feel a bit more stable, that\u2019s the perfect time to begin something meaningful\u2014something that might become a positive anchor in a young person\u2019s life (and sometimes in the whole family\u2019s life too).<br><br>After everything we&#8217;ve all been through, it&#8217;s okay to want something better. Therapy can be that shift\u2014the moment things start to move in a new direction.\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are quite a few things in life that we know are important, beneficial, or will ultimately improve our lives\u2014but we still postpone or avoid them for long periods of time. Why? Because they involve frustrating preliminary steps, or unclear emotional terrain\u2014and life is already full of obligations. We also try to avoid uncomfortable or [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6459,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[133,132,135],"class_list":["post-6458","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-1","tag-adolescence","tag-art-therapy-behind-the-scenes","tag-useful-information"],"yoast_head":"<title>\u201cIt\u2019s Not a Big Deal \u2013 But It Might Really Help\u201d: Talking Therapy with Teens - Shira Aharony - Connecting Threads<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/shira-aharony.com\/en\/talking-therapy-with-teens\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cIt\u2019s Not a Big Deal \u2013 But It Might Really Help\u201d: Talking Therapy with Teens - Shira Aharony - Connecting Threads\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There are quite a few things in life that we know are important, beneficial, or will ultimately improve our lives\u2014but we still postpone or avoid them for long periods of time. 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