Today is International Valentine\u2019s Day, a wonderful opportunity to wonder when was the last time you went on a fun date that made you put your phone aside and feel like the whole world could wait\u2014 to dive into a heart-to-heart conversation about the things life keeps sweeping along?<\/p>\n\n
Wait-<\/p>\n\n
Not with your usual partner, the one you\u2019ve built a home with\u2014but a fun, meaningful date between a parent and child. I\u2019m guessing this period might not exactly inspire you to go out, and there are plenty of obstacles and complications, but maybe now more than ever, it\u2019s important to take the initiative and create opportunities for such a date.<\/p>\n\n
It can be something completely casual and spontaneous\u2014maybe while waiting for another child outside an activity, maybe in the afternoon before the little ones get home, or maybe in the evening, a real date at a caf\u00e9 or a movie?<\/p>\n\n
The key is to create the opportunity and leverage the small, grey windows in your schedule to be together in a good, calm way.<\/p>\n\n
A date like this\u2014even before it happens\u2014is a statement. It says your shared time still matters to you, even (and especially!) if we\u2019re talking about older kids. A date like this means you care about hearing what\u2019s going on, what\u2019s new, and what\u2019s changed. That you\u2019re open to sharing what you\u2019re going through, just a little bit, giving your perspective, trying to calm storms, and maybe dropping a little message from their future and your past about how things might work out in life\u2014even if right now it feels like the end of the world (just don\u2019t forget\u2014they are right in the middle of this \u201cend of the world,\u201d don\u2019t rush to take away that feeling; it\u2019s important, helping them build their personality and develop a separate, adaptive identity).<\/p>\n\n
Such a meeting can open the door to entering their world in a fresh way, unaffected by the usual sensitive or explosive situations in daily life. It\u2019s a chance to disconnect a little from life\u2019s tasks, the pressure, the burnout, the statements that go in one ear and out the other, from the messy room. After disconnecting from all of that\u2014what\u2019s left? What exists between you and each of your children? In such a chaotic, stressful, and overwhelming time, it can be hard to remember, which is why it\u2019s so important to schedule pleasant, neutral situations free from conflicts and pressures for yourself and them.<\/p>\n\n
What will you talk about? What should you ask or say to hear more \u201cmeh,\u201d \u201cfun,\u201d or \u201cokay\u201d?<\/p>\n\n
You can ask their opinion on things happening in the family, at school, or in any circle they belong to, and why they think things are the way they are.<\/p>\n\n
You can talk about future plans, maybe even plan together\u2014both concrete (plans for Passover or summer) or hypothetical (plans for the more distant future, just for fun to explore directions, not to stress or set goals).<\/p>\n\n
You can and should share what\u2019s going on with you, what\u2019s new with you, where this period finds you. You can and should also ask for their opinion on matters. You might be surprised by how effective the advice you get from them is, and along the way, you\u2019ll help boost their self-esteem and their sense of belonging in the family.<\/p>\n\n
Worth trying, right? Good luck and enjoy\u2014I invite you to share here how it went and any additional insights on the subject.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I realize this isn\u2019t exactly a time that inspires going out, and there\u2019s no shortage of unexpected changes and complications. But maybe that\u2019s exactly why it\u2019s so important right now to initiate and create opportunities for a kind of \u201cdate\u201d like this \u2014 a chance to simply be together, peacefully and positively.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6473,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[145,152,149,150,151,153],"class_list":["post-6472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-1","tag-adolescence-2","tag-conection","tag-date","tag-meeting","tag-parent-child","tag-sharing"],"yoast_head":"