{"id":6496,"date":"2023-05-31T18:27:32","date_gmt":"2023-05-31T15:27:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.shira-aharony.co.il\/pumpkin-carriage\/"},"modified":"2025-09-29T20:41:28","modified_gmt":"2025-09-29T17:41:28","slug":"pumpkin-carriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shira-aharony.com\/en\/pumpkin-carriage\/","title":{"rendered":"When the carriage is a pumpkin"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When you were a child, you saw on TV and in movies those older kids graduating high school and stepping into life. They were the happiest people in the world, and their teenage plans worked like clockwork. \nUntil they graduated, everything fell into place for them \u2014 they went through experiences, had relationships, tried things, made mistakes (but small ones, right? Without serious consequences), and in the end, they graduated with a grand, spectacular ceremony, couples arm in arm, beautiful and perfect, the future \u2014 the next generation full of promise and real potential to achieve whatever they wanted. Even in their speeches, they said they could do anything, right?<\/p>\n\n

And you wanted that too. You hoped to be just like that \u2014 to successfully close the most significant and longest chapter of your life so far, your school years, as a kind of completion, a fulfillment of all the goals you set for yourself (or that were set for you). You wished to have time to do everything you thought one does in high school, so you could look back with a smile and say, “Ahhh, what fun it was. Goodbye for now, I\u2019ll come visit.”<\/p>\n\n

It could have been wonderful, but reality, let\u2019s say, got in the way of all that happening. Meanwhile, time keeps running, the finish line has arrived \u2014 whether you wanted it or asked for an extension. There\u2019s no time for wounds, even though there are many scars. The closing whistle is already echoing in the distance. This is happening.<\/p>\n\n

And now, in addition to the complex emotions that arise upon reaching this finishing point, there\u2019s also the pressure of the dress, the shoes, looking wow, and with that, the pressure not to arrive alone, not to be photographed alone, not to show that I\u2019m alone\u2014to dance and take part in the ceremony and the show as if everything is amazing.<\/p>\n\n

And everyone looks very happy and excited, it seems like it\u2019s going really well for everyone, and again you watch from the side like in some American high school movie\u2014only now you\u2019re standing inside it, even though you never wanted to be an actor in the first place, and it hurts. That gap hurts. There\u2019s a feeling that some really fun party is happening and you\u2019re not part of it. Maybe you were there once and were brutally pulled out for some reason, or maybe you never were, never really knew what it feels like to be part of it.<\/p>\n\n

You pause for a moment, and now your daughter\u2014the little girl\u2014is exactly where you were just moments ago. She tells herself the same things, in big ways\u2014she\u2019s sure she\u2019s beyond repair, that she\u2019s not good enough, that nothing will come of her, that she can\u2019t be loved. Maybe she\u2019s afraid she missed the \u201cbest time of her life\u201d and that there\u2019s no way back.<\/p>\n\n

You watch her from the sidelines. She\u2019s struggling, maybe sometimes trying to smile and show that everything is okay\u2014after all, she\u2019s finishing high school and stepping into the world. What could possibly be so bad about that? And after all, she had it okay, so why the sadness and the harsh self-judgment?<\/p>\n\n

She\u2019s hurting. She doesn\u2019t know how she\u2019ll make it through these days, through these parties. On top of the shows and movies, there\u2019s now Instagram and TikTok\u2014everything\u2019s even shinier, more measured, more tagged. So how can she possibly measure up?<\/p>\n\n

This drama might seem exaggerated to us\u2014but for them, it\u2019s very real. If we can look at the situation with compassion and patience (even though yes, it can be incredibly frustrating at times!)\u2014we can become grounding and supportive figures. Ones who recognize the storm, and also help to gently regulate it. Who create space for sharing what\u2019s going on, and encourage softening of the emotional isolation that may feel especially intense right now.<\/p>\n\n

It may already feel like ancient history, but just a reminder: three years ago, the world came to a halt. The students finishing middle school this year never got a proper ending to elementary school. Those finishing high school never got to properly close their middle school years. For them, this is both their first and last school graduation ceremony\u2014which certainly doesn\u2019t make the emotional intensity of this moment any easier.<\/p>\n\n

Let\u2019s try to ask ourselves: \u201cWhat is the concrete difficulty that the end-of-year party preparations are covering up? What\u2019s the core of it?\u201d \nIf it\u2019s hard to figure out on our own, we can gently ask\u2014in a calm, private moment, not in the middle of a storm or argument: \n\u201cI see this period is hard for you, and that getting ready for the end-of-year events is bringing up a lot. Would you like to talk about it? Maybe we can try to figure out what\u2019s bothering you most. I promise to listen and do what I can to make it easier for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n

It might stem from social struggles, unmet expectations in different areas, body image or self-confidence issues, or\u2014similar to what we sometimes experience around birthdays\u2014a need for self-reflection as something ends and something new begins. \nOf course, there could be many other reasons as well. \nEither way, there\u2019s a good chance we can truly ease some of the pain\u2014perhaps even quite easily\u2014if we try to help with both the practical challenges and the deeper emotional layers underneath.<\/p>\n\n

Maybe we\u2019re already \u201cfrom the past\u201d (us?! No way\u2014we were just there a moment ago!). \nAnd maybe these past years haven\u2019t always been marked by open, easy connection\u2014 \nbut there is always room to mend. \nWe\u2019re here, on their side, no matter what\u2014 \neven if the gap between the fantasy and reality feels impossibly wide.<\/p>\n\n

I promise you\u2014June will eventually pass. \nIt will take with it the ceremonies, the events, the reflections, and all the pressures they bring. \nAnd all this built-up tension? \nIt will ease, \nmaking space for whatever challenges come next.<\/p>\n\n

\"A<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Graduating High School and Stepping into Life. There\u2019s a feeling that a fun celebration is happening, but your daughter feels like she\u2019s not part of it. This drama might seem exaggerated to us, but for her it\u2019s very real. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6497,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[133,145,173,170,169,171,172,175,174],"class_list":["post-6496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-1","tag-adolescence","tag-adolescence-2","tag-expectations","tag-graduation","tag-graduation-party","tag-high-school","tag-loneliness","tag-party","tag-prom"],"yoast_head":"When the carriage is a pumpkin - Shira Aharony - Connecting Threads<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/shira-aharony.com\/en\/pumpkin-carriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When the carriage is a pumpkin - Shira Aharony - Connecting Threads\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Graduating High School and Stepping into Life. 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