Today is International Valentine’s Day, a wonderful opportunity to wonder when was the last time you went on a fun date that made you put your phone aside and feel like the whole world could wait— to dive into a heart-to-heart conversation about the things life keeps sweeping along?
Wait-
Not with your usual partner, the one you’ve built a home with—but a fun, meaningful date between a parent and child. I’m guessing this period might not exactly inspire you to go out, and there are plenty of obstacles and complications, but maybe now more than ever, it’s important to take the initiative and create opportunities for such a date.
It can be something completely casual and spontaneous—maybe while waiting for another child outside an activity, maybe in the afternoon before the little ones get home, or maybe in the evening, a real date at a café or a movie?
The key is to create the opportunity and leverage the small, grey windows in your schedule to be together in a good, calm way.
A date like this—even before it happens—is a statement. It says your shared time still matters to you, even (and especially!) if we’re talking about older kids. A date like this means you care about hearing what’s going on, what’s new, and what’s changed. That you’re open to sharing what you’re going through, just a little bit, giving your perspective, trying to calm storms, and maybe dropping a little message from their future and your past about how things might work out in life—even if right now it feels like the end of the world (just don’t forget—they are right in the middle of this “end of the world,” don’t rush to take away that feeling; it’s important, helping them build their personality and develop a separate, adaptive identity).
Such a meeting can open the door to entering their world in a fresh way, unaffected by the usual sensitive or explosive situations in daily life. It’s a chance to disconnect a little from life’s tasks, the pressure, the burnout, the statements that go in one ear and out the other, from the messy room. After disconnecting from all of that—what’s left? What exists between you and each of your children? In such a chaotic, stressful, and overwhelming time, it can be hard to remember, which is why it’s so important to schedule pleasant, neutral situations free from conflicts and pressures for yourself and them.
What will you talk about? What should you ask or say to hear more “meh,” “fun,” or “okay”?
You can ask their opinion on things happening in the family, at school, or in any circle they belong to, and why they think things are the way they are.
You can talk about future plans, maybe even plan together—both concrete (plans for Passover or summer) or hypothetical (plans for the more distant future, just for fun to explore directions, not to stress or set goals).
You can and should share what’s going on with you, what’s new with you, where this period finds you. You can and should also ask for their opinion on matters. You might be surprised by how effective the advice you get from them is, and along the way, you’ll help boost their self-esteem and their sense of belonging in the family.
Worth trying, right? Good luck and enjoy—I invite you to share here how it went and any additional insights on the subject.
